So. 22!

But I don't wanna be a grownup! *stamp*

tacomonkey: ..I hardly ever post anymore.
cheshire_bitten: Yeah, I've noticed that.
tacomonkey: I find it hard to imagine anyone really wants to hear about what goes on in my head.
cheshire_bitten: I do, I do!
tacomonkey: Okay then. I'll do it. For you.
<3

Oh god, you guys. I just quit my job (the crap one, not the good one, yay me!). Someone tell me I can't blow all my money on shoes. *wibbles*

Oh yeah. I quit my job. It feels fucking amazing - I've never had to quit a 'real' job before, I recommend it, very therapeutic.

I think I'm the sum of what's before and what's to come.

In no particular order:

New job! I am a Web Developer for Monash Uni. It's pretty kickass.
I need more sleep.
My PC died and I am currently existing on the kindness of cheshire_bitten's laptop-lending. Linux is strange.
phillbert  and I are massive idiots. See exhibits A through F:
( A saint with a scope and a holster full of hope. )
My obsession with stationary grows daily. This is somewhat worrisome.
I have important procrastinating to do.

Take a look at your LJ friend list, then list up to ten things you want to say to ten different LJ friends. Do NOT state who these people are. DO NOT confirm nor deny any “comment speculation”.

1. I hope you're okay.
2. You continue to startle me with how strong and grounded you are in the face of all the shit life has thrown your way.
3. I want to be friends, but the amount of drama you attract is astounding. Stop it.
4. Almost everything you write makes me laugh like a hyena.
5. You are one of the most amazing people in the world. Thank you so much for being in my life.
6. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me without scaring you off.
7. The only reason you are on my friends list is for the lulz - you are an idiot and a hypocrite.
8. I'm sorry I was so weird for so long - it's just a bruised ego and I'm over it. I miss when we were close.
9. You are going to do fantastic things with your life! Good luck.
10. I like you and all, but sometimes you're so pompous I want to shake you.

( Don't let them see me like this. )

Flogging Molly were amazingggg but two days later my ribs still hurt.

Minus The Bear are awesome live.

I'm bored. Should I?;

Go to bed.

See if I have any damn AA batteries, THEN go to bed.

Continue to refresh my livejournal friends page until something exciting happens.

Keep watching the video clip for Rilo Kileys The Frug until my head explodes from joy.

Go make myself some macaroni. (Even though I am still full from lunch with Big Goth Mark*.)

Actually do some of the things I meant to have done for roleplaying tomorrow.

Other.

(Okay, okay, it's nearly 4am. I am going to bed.)

*Mm, goth boys. I love goth boys. I always liked Spike better than Angel, though - a little bit vulnerable, a lot fucking twisted. Mmmm.

..when it hits the nerve. "Never heard a word I said", she responded, but he heard that and remembered it forever like a promise.

Drunked!

Leave me nicefaced comments for when I get home tomorrow.

I was going to write this verrrry early this morning, but I crashed instead.

I went and saw a Brand New show last night.

It was.. fucking amazing. Totally worth the two hours standing around so I could be at the front of the pit, the annoying squealing girls, the pounding headache I now have & the fact that the metro was a horrible venue when I saw NIN there and it's a horrible venue now.

There's nothing quite like live music. It's such a recharge and I am still running with adrenalin. Thousands of people moving in time, singing in time.

Jesse Lacey screaming, "These are the words you wish you wrote down/This is the way you wish your voice sounds, handsome and smart.."
And the entire crowd screaming back "My tongue's the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart!"

Seeing Sic Transit Gloria live was amazing. The acoustic stuff was mind blowing. Thinking about it makes my legs weak, still, and I don't know anyone else who reacts like this and I don't care.

I feel so alive.

At about 11:30 last night, the hot water in my shower decided it wanted to come on full-blast.. and stay on. Mm, what? I have turned it off at the mains, and if I can't fix it myself by Monday, I'll bitch at my agent.

Aaaand then I got up at 6am for work this morning. Hi, happy new year, I hate everything! Etc.

On the upside, I came home from work today with It ain't gonna suck itself! scrawled on my arm. I swing between seething hatred of and dubious amusement at my job.

Ok, so, Geocaching.. A set of co-ordinates, a handful of clues, a hand held GPS, and the search for a little box full of trinkets and a log book. Take something, leave something & write in the log book. Come on. Someone has to want to do this with me! It will be fun!

Yeah. I am a big fucking dork, I know.

Work is just.. fucking insane. So busy. I am working Christmas day. I am working always. If you're wondering where I am, I'm at work. That being said, I just has a long 'weekend' - three days off - and it was pure bliss. I am thinking of using some of my annual leave and taking a week off towards the end of January.. I need a break.

Otherwise, life is okay - confusing and busy and stressful, but getting better. I am now officially off my anti-depressants, for the first time in.. 4 years? It is both scary and glorious. It is a lot harder to sleep (and it takes me a lot more to get drunk), my appetite is bizarre and I'd forgotten how strongly I feel my emotions when I am not drug-numb, but a lot of therapy has taught me how to deal with my life. For the first time in a long time I am not obsessing about anything or anyone, save the occasional moment of work-panic, and I am slowly finding a balance in how long I need to be alone versus how often I need company, although I may have overdone it with the people this week - but that is just the paranoia piping up, and I am (relatively) certain my friends would say something if they were sick of my hanging about for no reason.

I am learning.

So the year after highschool I spent getting paid to look after phillbert's grandmother. His family all worked, as did he, and so I spent something like 10 hours a day 3 to 5 days a week with this charming, sweet, slightly bonkers old lady. It was an easy job - keeping her company, making sure she ate and took her meds, helping her move around, basic stuff and I enjoyed it.

She passed away this morning. It's hard to think of someone I spent so much time with for so long just.. not being around any more.

So, if you can, spare a thought for her today - and for phillbert and his family, who have never been anything but amazing to me. I hope the pain passes quickly but the memory remains sweet for a long time.

In the mean time, P & I are relieving our stress by building a computer.

Melbourne people!

Is anyone going to this? I am tossing up between that and work. Mm.. holiday pay.

On my desk right now I have caffeinated gum, caffeinated lip balm, super-caffeinated candy and a coffee. Guess how well I slept last night?

we used to leave the blue lights on and there was a beat
ever since you have been gone it’s all caffeine-free
faux punk fatigues
said it all before
they try to kick it, their feet fall asleep
get no harm done no
none of them want to fight me

Yes. I realize I should be asleep. And it's not my birthday yet. But.

For everyone tonight who gave me birthday hugs and kisses, sang to me, chatted to me, hugged me, gave me presents, donated money (!!) -

Thank you. I don't remember the last time I smiled so hard but I love you all so much, and I. I. Just. I am so fucking overcome with your kindness. Thank you so much. *luv*

combat baby come back
how I miss your ranting
do you miss my all time lows?

I am a sad product of my generation when YouTube can accurately sum up my morning, but:



The problem with going out and having a really good time is that you suddenly remember how sad&boring&pathetic the rest of your life is. I am bored, really bored, bored enough to go out into the beautiful spring sunshine and take pictures of my cat/house/self/boobs*.

Worksafe as long as your work had nothing against my cat, cleavage and excessive eyeliner.

( Well, desire looks just like you with an uzi nine.. )

And yes, that is the box apartment I live in.

*Hey, I have to carry them around, I may as well have fun with them.

So I totally have a crush on the new boy who's just moved in two apartments down from me. Eeee cute bare-footed emo literature-major floppy haired chain-smoking geek boy who talks to me. Hahah. (Who wants to bet he's gay?)

Because I promised I'd do it, here's a list of things I want for my birthday. ( Cut for your pleasure. )

What the fuck, world?

And by that I mean: today at work a nice, pretty, normal* blonde boy asked me out. On a date. And.. what the fuck, world?!

Oh, and I also got a raise.

*Okay, normal in a geeky kinky aspie kinda way. Where do I find these people??

It's never good when the doctor looks at the thermometer and goes "uh.. oh dear".

Temp of 39.2c (that's about 102.5f for my American readers). Inability to breathe, aching all over, and holy hell how much mucus can my body produce? (Gross.) Doctor says it's a very nasty case of the flu. She also said to go to hospital if it isn't better in a few days though. Mm reassuring.

So yeah, I feel like hell on a stick. And this is about as much sitting up as I can stand right now, so I am going to go pass out some more.

P.S. Oh yeah, I also left my phone at a bar on the weekend so if you want to check up on me that way.. uh.. you can't. I'm a dumbass, but I know who has it.. now if only I could stand up long enough to go get it from him.

So. I guess it's time I actually updated, huh?

I have so much to say and none of it really means anything. Most of you know this anyway.

Erin and I broke up. Nearly a month ago now. Yes, I did the breaking. Yes, I feel awful. No, I don't want to talk about it.

I've done numb, and I think I just hit grief.

Okay, so - radio thing, I've promised a few people I'd post it here.

Tuesday/Wednesday nights, 6pm-9pm (Melbourne time). That's 1am-4am Wednesday/Thursday UTC (game time, it's based it Phoenix. AZ).

You can listen by either joining Secret Society Wars and going through chat (and you should! good game!) or directly from the Planet RFX website. If you want to join (or donate!) I'll love you forever, and I still suck, but the other DJs are fucking awesome and you should listen to them. I'm down as Aphid.

So yeah, I have a show to do like.. now. Like I said, I suck, but I love this.

I hate this. It's not the usual crazy help help help that overcomes me, but a constant low nothing instead - this is why it's called depression, I just want to disappear, my heart aches, I hate this. I am low, low, low, I am kissing concrete at the moment. I am just a selfish stupid child and I am so very acutely aware of just how fucking stupid it all is. I am never doing this again - note to self: trust no one. I never learn.

Oh Pretty Baby, you're so naïve
But it comes off so cute
We don't want to fix you

So. It's been a while, eh guys? Yes, I realize I've been away for nearly 2 months, I'm sorry. We have Internet at home now - relatively reliable, although not fantastic. Lots has been happening.

I had my final therapy session a few weeks ago. Not going is strange - scary but good, I need a break for a little while. I've made the fairly scary decision to come off my medication though, so I need to see a GP for that - no rush.

Erin is (obviously) back, has been for about a month now. It's been good; difficult but good.

Work is work - now that I'm over that first six months of learning how everything works, it's become easy but mind-numbingly boring. I am doing a lot of hours and yet somehow still struggling to make ends meet - why is this?? I also have a hideous crush on one of my co-workers, which is entirely inconvenient, because although we're great friends he's really gay.

I've been asked to do an Internet radio DJ spot for a game website I'm part of. Very awesome but also entirely nerve wrecking - if anyone on my flist (and I know a few of you DJ for actual money) want to give me any tips, please feel free; I am clueless.

So. I'll try and make an effort to actually update from now on. Promise.

Right on the foyer, on this dark day, right in plain view - oh yeah - of the whole ghetto...