Log in

08 June 2010 @ 11:47 am
I hum myself to misery and wish these words against my pillow: "I will try not to lose control".  
The last 2 months have been so amazingly, aggressively awful that I am not sure where to start. A slow slip-slide back into depression and agrophobia and feeling like I'm so crazy I might actually crawl out of my own skin, my baby sister screaming and crying on the other end of a phone while I debate having her put into a psych ward and later saying goodbye at the airport because I am too weak to care for the only person who loves me unconditionally (I miss her so much), a very frightening health scare for someone I care deeply about, a friend who drove from our house to a bottle of sleeping pills and isn't coming back, having my heart ripped out (oh, little miss drama!).

I'm supposed to have a medication review later this week. What am I supposed to say? "Numb me up, doc, everything hurts too much and I can't breathe." I think I've given up. I'm done.
Breathe out: sadsad
Breathe in: Motion City Soundtrack - Hysteria
(Deleted comment)
Lirion: cuddlinglirion on June 8th, 2010 03:25 am (UTC)
*hugs* I've been thinking of you of late. Am sorry to hear things have been so horrible. Words aren't enough, but more hugs and I can only hope that they improve.
aeduna: flamesaeduna on June 8th, 2010 04:53 am (UTC)
if bad things do not stop happening to you i am going to become extremely cross and stabby soon.
rhyannonfrhyannonf on June 8th, 2010 08:10 am (UTC)
What he said.
cheshire_bittencheshire_bitten on June 8th, 2010 11:18 am (UTC)
you will have to get their before I do.
A Straunge and Terrible Wunderhellmutt on June 8th, 2010 11:02 am (UTC)
Hang in there kid. *hug*
naked_wratnaked_wrat on June 8th, 2010 02:02 pm (UTC)
Good fucking god that's a lot to deal with!!! *huggles* I will be keeping you in my thoughts, sending positive vibes your way. If there is anything I can do at all, lemme know.
Pr0zakpr0zak on June 9th, 2010 06:56 am (UTC)
Oh honey, sounds like you're having a truly awful time right now, so many bad things shouldn't happen to such a lovely person. I hope things improve ASAP *hugs*
Andrewhead_renewal on June 9th, 2010 01:05 pm (UTC)
That's so awful.
I want things to get better for you. *hugs*
minute hour day week month year: true northsuperbreakout on June 10th, 2010 10:54 am (UTC)
also sending positive vibes... you are not alone and strong.
Laurenhanshin on June 15th, 2010 01:35 pm (UTC)
*huuuuuuuuuuug* I miss you Jess. I hope things pick up soon. I hope your sister is ok. I wish none of this stuff would happen.
eclypticaleclyptical on June 17th, 2010 05:04 am (UTC)
Are you interested in being LJ friends?
Her lips taste like a loaded gun.: Tism bunny - curioustacomonkey on August 4th, 2010 04:55 am (UTC)
Re: Hi
If you like :)
Jiverphrenia on June 19th, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
Jiverphrenia on June 19th, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
How does international texting go?